she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
