i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Text me some of your sweat
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
