I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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