Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
