i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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