You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
