I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
