Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
