I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
