i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
