Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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