Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
