New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have fence marks all over my body
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
