I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I've blown a few things in my day
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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