hotel room ftw
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
