I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
