..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
