i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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