I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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