Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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