my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
