Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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