I looked at my own cervix.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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