I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
