Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
