Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
