We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
