she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
