and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Randomize
