dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
