My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
