the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize