How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
