Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
