I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
