if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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