This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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