I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Randomize
