i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
