doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
