I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
