cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
People in love make me want to vomit
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
