Sry I called you an 8
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
