I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
