People with herpes should wear stickers.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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