What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
