even my farts smell like vagina
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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