how can u be prego again
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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