This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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