I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
