I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
