he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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