i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
