hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
