I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
